You know, there comes a point in most of our lives when we face something so huge, we just don’t know how to cope, or even be able to understand it. The sad thing is that it’s usually a negative thing. For me, that happened twice within a month. What I’m talking about is the end of a life.
My Granddad became very ill over the summer, well he had been ill for a long while but the summer was the beginning of the end. He just had his 80th birthday and overall he had a long and healthy life. I visited him twice during his last week. We all knew the end was close and the nurses were making him “comfortable” which is obvious code for the end is near. He was deteriorating fast and I was just hoping that he didn’t suffer much. On a Friday at the end of August, he passed away and I was there to see his last breath. Like I said it was expected but seeing an 80 year life come to an end right in front of your eyes is a big thing to take in and accept.
The next few days passed by in a blur and some nightmares followed but they faded. The funeral came and went without incident. I had to mention without incident as 2 sides of the family don’t get on at all but they did for this occasion, or at least they avoided confrontation which was the right and respectful thing to do. Still I was left with an empty feeling, kind of odd. It wasn’t sadness, it was more of a feeling of how fragile life is and sadly, as if I needed it, I got a huge reminder of that within two weeks.
During 2013 I got back in contact with a good friend of mine, a good friend from the good old days. The good old days for me were after I left school and spent some time in college and working my first job. It was at this job where I made some good long lasting friendships. We may not speak regularly but all it takes is a phone call or a text message and any of us would meet up asap. Within this group of 5, I speak to 2 of them on a weekly basis, the others a bit more spread out but we speak when we can. The point is around about 15 years has passed and the friendship are still out there if needed.
Any way back to this one particular friend. We spoke regularly on Facebook or on the phone but hadn’t seen each other for a few years in person then in June she called me. She was going through a bad time for a number of reasons so we decided to meet and go out for lunch. From that day on, we spoke almost daily and hung out a few more times. We had a nice conversation the day before my Granddads funeral and she was doing her best to cheer me up but just having someone to talk to was the best thing. She was having some health problems (as she’s had for a few years) and needed a routine hospital appointment due to an infection so I knew we wouldn’t be able to be in contact for a few days, plus I wasn’t exactly great company at this time.
A few days pass and I’m coming around, clearing my head and trying to get on with life, trying to bring it back to normality. I don’t go online much these days but one particular day after work I decided too. I made a coffee and sat down. I did the usual email check, football news check then went on to Facebook as my emails said I had some request or something. The news that greeted me just about knocked me flat. My friend had died. She died in her sleep.
It just doesn’t make sense. My mind can’t accept this, it doesn’t feel like reality. Just a few weeks ago we were sat on her sofa, drinking coffee and watching crappy TV. All was good. Everyone is in shock and there isn’t any full explanation yet. How can a person in her early 30’s just die? All we know is she went to bed early because she felt warn out and tired and that was it.
I’m going to write a proper entry about this when it sinks in because as of now it’s just information that I can’t take seriously. I know it’s real, I know she’s gone but for what ever reason I just don’t allow it to be real. I spoke to 2 other’s from that group from the good old days and they feel the same as me, there just isn’t an answer. It just feels like a huge void of nothing, nothing matters, nothing seems important any more. Life just stops. People you know for countless years, just gone like that. So many questions but no answers.
She was a great person and a great friend. I’m thankful for the 14 years I knew her. The same with my Granddad, he may have been “old school” in some ways but gave me many happy memories growing up. R.I.P.